Dealing

Seriously, I have the worst luck. I hate this effing city.

I miss you and I'm mad at you. And you're dumb, but I still miss you. I wish I was more mad at you because then I wouldn't miss you and I wouldn't feel guilty about calling you dumb, because you're pretty much one of the most intelligent people I know, even if you don't act like it sometimes. So, in short, I miss you. Please help me fix this.

I've finally decided I am going to start scrapbooking again. The only reason I started in the first place was because Drake and I were dating and that was supposed to be IT for this girl, so it was a good idea at the time. Fast forward a few months and we see I wasted a lot of time and money on a fairly worthless year. But at the same time I was working so diligently on that scrapbook, I decided I wanted to create a music on as well. Everyone who knows me at all knows that music is pretty much one of the most important things in my life and it's good therapy for me when no one else can get through to me. It's helped me a lot and I decided I am finally ready to get back to work on it again, with all new depressing and gut-wrenching songs of course. Mostly I jest, not all are depressing. Some make me smile. Some make me cry. All are attached to memories I cherish.

I do what I want. Always. I wonder how I can be such a contradiction - I'm horrible needy and dependant, yet I hate when people tell me what to do and I tend to put myself and what I want before others. I wonder how I still have friends. I must have some redeeming qualities I suppose. Or else people really are just afraid of me. *Shrug*

Valentine's Day can go die in a fire. As one of my least favorite heroine's once said, "Valentine's Day is just a cheap gimmick to sell cards and chocolate." That would be a direct quote from Buffy herself. Is it odd that I can't stand the central figure of the show, but I absolutely LOVE it anyway and own all seven seasons on DVD because Joss Whedon is a God, Angel was delicious and Xander was quite possibly my most favorite sarcastic sidekick with low self-esteem - second only to Chandler Bing of course, who really wasn't actually a sidekick, but I digress...Brett pointed out I was so gung-ho about Valentine's Day LAST year, and at the time, yes I was. I actually had a boyfriend and it was supposed to be a good day. However, Drake managed to ruin that day pretty much like he ruined Christmas and New Year's, thus I was shown the truth: single or attached, Valentine's Day is lame. LAME.

I love PostSecret. This week's edition was Valentine's Day related. I related to a lot of them. I also mean to send in secrets but never do because I am worried that my friends would know it was mine. Believe it or not guys, there are a few things about me you still don't know. Shocking, isn't it?

I had dinner last night with JohnRoss and Laura at Ruby Tuesday's. Delicious. I embarrassed JohnRoss because I said 'pussy'. Twice. We were talking about Tundra for a really amusing reason, and I used the term FUPA. Laura didn't know what a FUPA was, so I explained it. JR's face got all red and then when I asked him if it was because I said 'pussy', I got the fatherly, 'Sarah!' scold. That's funny, since he's younger, hence him being referred to as my 'little' brother all the time. Afterward I went to Tim and Brett's and we watched a mediocre Fight Night. Well, Tim said it was mediocre. I was amused some of the time. Other times, not so much. Whatevs.

I am playing The Godfather again. There's a mission that I have never been able to do on my own, and it requires me to throw someone into an oven at a funeral home. Last Spring Bryan had to do that part for me, and this time around Brett had to do it for me. I swear on all that is holy, I will do it myself this time so I can say once and for all I beat this game on my own. I've been practicing throwing random passers-by off of things to practice throwing in general. I love this game. It's making me want to watch the movie. Perhaps I shall do that while I work on my new scrapbook which will be way better than that stupid two volume monstrosity I made for Drake and myself. Lame.

24 days until Justin Timberlake. Tom better not lose our tickets. I would be so mad.